


Everything he doesn't do

by ash_carpenter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood Drinking, Dark, Demon Dean Winchester, M/M, Sexual Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 05:42:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1846480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ash_carpenter/pseuds/ash_carpenter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam understands that Dean's come back wrong because of all the things he doesn't do. This is his realisation - and his reaction.</p>
<p>(Dark and angsty, folks!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything he doesn't do

****  
Everything he doesn’t do  


 

Dean comes back wrong.

Sam knows it – not right away, but soon after. The differences are both subtle and fathomless, hidden chasms glimpsed from oblique angles and in fleeting reflections.

They’re in all the things Dean _doesn’t_ do. Like how he doesn’t give Sam shit for letting a monster walk away, as if he can finally see the grey areas. Like how he doesn’t slip whiskey into his coffee anymore because he no longer needs it.

And like how he doesn’t push Sam away when Sam kisses him, half-drunk and all-desperate.

The Dean who raised him loved him too much to ever allow it to happen, and to this day Sam has no idea whether or not he secretly wanted it too. This thing tells Sam he’s been dreaming of fucking him for fifteen years, and maybe it’s true, but he’s not denying it – and his Dean _would_ , to his dying breath. It’s another thing this Dean doesn’t do.

Dean doesn’t prep him enough the first time he fucks him, and he doesn’t care that he hurts Sam or that Sam cries, and he doesn’t stop his rough thrusts even when Sam’s bleeding – and he doesn’t look sad or judgmental or remorseful when all of that just gets Sam off harder. He doesn’t freak out after or pretend it didn’t happen, or run away and hide.

He doesn’t protect Sam from himself at all. From either of them.

Sam only allows himself to understand on the day that Dean runs a knife the length of his own forearm and his pupils blow wide with lust and just keep spreading, until his eyes are oil-slick obsidian. That changeable green always was too much for Sam to bear, anyway, and even through the grief a part of him is aware that Dean’s equally beautiful like this.

He offers his arm to Sam, the blood running thick and hot, smelling of some deep, dark power that’s even more intoxicating than the usual sulphurous demonic blend.

_You remember how it was with Ruby? Drinking and screwing, and how strong you felt after? That was Bush League, Sammy. I’m gonna blow your fucking mind._

Sam’s heart is breaking but he drinks anyway, and Dean doesn’t stop him. He comes all at once in a blinding rush and there’s a herd of black Mustangs galloping through his veins.

He’s never felt anything like it, his blood singing out with power and an intense, unexpected sense of _home_. Dean’s blood has always been inside him, in a sense, but now it’s literal – and Sam figures that their co-dependency is absolute at last. The Winchester Ouroboros, nourishing itself for all time.

And Dean’s right: it blows Sam’s fucking mind.

Sam knows he’ll never get enough, and he doesn’t think it’ll be long before his eyes are a pure reflection of Dean’s glistening black onyx. His animal brain – his _monster_ brain – takes over and he pins Dean to the bed, tearing into him in every single sense and taking every damned thing that he wants and has always wanted. Dean doesn’t mind. Dean’s indulgent and pliant. Passive.

Sam passes out after he comes the second time, and Dean doesn’t leave. He’s right there in bed when Sam wakes up, arm wrapped around him possessively.

Dean’s come back wrong, and Sam knows it. But now he has everything he ever dreamed of and he feels powerful enough to throw down with God. And, who knows? He might have to.

There’s a part of him that misses all the things Dean doesn’t do anymore, perhaps the part that’s grieving for whatever his brother has lost. But those things made them both miserable, so in some ways this feels more like an excision than an amputation.

Dean’s all wrong – and Sam wishes that he cared.

 

 

THE END


End file.
